Whether in art, cooking, work or life in general, imperfection is freedom.
Mum, draw an angry T-Rex for me,” my son started asking when he turned two and became obsessed with dinosaurs. I quickly Googled: ‘How to sketch a Tyrannosaurus Rex’, and then spent an hour watching tutorials while meticulously crafting the most perfect, storybook-worthy version of the carnivorous predator. During this time, my son was fidgeting near me and lost any interest in my artwork before it was even finished. At first, I felt slightly offended (if not irritated). But then, I had an epiphany. Kids are not interested in us rendering the most ideal finished product. Instead, they crave the shared experience of ‘making’ something together – whether it is a picture, a muffin, or a cardboard cubby house.
Authenticity
Imperfection is freedom. Whether in art, cooking, work or life in general, it opens us up for calmness and enjoyment. “It’s our ability to embrace imperfection that will help us teach our children to have the courage to be authentic, the compassion to love themselves and others, and the sense of connection that gives true purpose and meaning to life,” states Brené Brown in The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting.
Pressure to be perfect
All of us, and sadly our children too, are exposed to extreme perfectionism through the lens of social media. Kid prodigies as young as three years old play Chopin sonatas on YouTube, while teenage athletes dance on the tightrope through Instagram stories. Extraordinary is so easily accessible, and a finished product always so ideal that our kids cannot learn the backstory of how hard anyone had to work to get it done. How many sketches had to be burnt, and how many dance routines repeated before anything could come close to being good enough.
Embrace mistakes
The path to mastery is a long one, paved with ups and downs, downfalls and do-overs. “Practising imperfection teaches kids the faith to try again, to begin anew,” Julia Cameron writes in her famous book Artist’s Way for Parents – Raising Creative Children. So if your child is rehearsing for a final concert at school or an annual ballet performance, praise them for finding the joy in the process and embracing the rewards that come from making mistakes. If they find a new passion for playing the ukulele, but their first sounds make your ears bleed, hold the space for their imperfect exercises and even record them as a keepsake.
Praise their passion
Kids primarily learn by what we do, and only then by what we say. If we obsess over the tiniest details and make every project – creative or not – a gruesome work, taking away the fun of experimentation, they too will struggle to find enjoyment in learning new things. “As parents, we have a responsibility to model imperfection. We need to remind our kids that everyone starts as a beginner,” adds Cameron.
Amazingly, the word amateur derives from the Latin word, amator, or lover. So ‘amateurism’ translates to ‘doing something for love’; a beautiful goal to teach our kids to strive for a passion for doing, and not for the perfect outcome.
Happy messiness
As parents we love our kids’ first clumsy steps, messy paintings and off-tone singing, so why can’t we embrace our own imperfect endeavours? As author Gretchen Rubin writes on her blog, “Instead of pushing yourself to an impossible ‘perfect,’ and therefore getting nowhere, accept ‘good.’ Many things worth doing are worth doing badly.” Because the joy and enchantment comes from taking part in the journey, not arriving at the destination. So here’s an ode to incorporating more happy messiness into our lives.
Top tips for embracing imperfection
- Create your personal mantra for loving imperfection. For example: ‘Done is better than perfect’ or ‘I am doing this for love’. Repeat this every morning or sing to your favourite tune together with your children.
- Wear mismatched socks and let your kids do the same.
- Turn random books upside down on your bookshelf.
- Purchase products discounted for manufacturing imperfections (and wear or use them!)
- Hang pictures slightly crooked.
- Don’t clean the mess your kids made while playing and try to enjoy the happiness of it the next day.
