Afraid of losing your edge amidst parenthood? Don’t be. Having a family doesn’t mean giving up your sense of adventure, spirit, or ambition.
I’ve always rejected the idea that parenting means falling into a monotonous, domesticated, no-thrills way of life.
When I was 24 and trying to fall pregnant, well-meaning colleagues asked ‘Have you got all the crazy stuff out of your system yet? Have you achieved everything you want before giving yourself over to motherhood? Are you sure you’re ready to settle down?’
I rolled my eyes, because I didn’t know what any of that had to do with having a family. Parenthood doesn’t just turn off a switch in your psyche that craves excitement and adventure. Just because you’re nurturing life, doesn’t mean you stop being you.
Bear Grylls still jumps out of planes. Pink still rocks out in front of thousands of people. And having a daughter certainly hasn’t stopped New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern from leading her country.
The truth is, life-loving mums and dads are everywhere. Sometimes you just need to look beyond the bubble of family life to truly see them.
Parenthood untamed
“When I became a mum, it never crossed my mind that I would stop doing what I did before motherhood,” says 36-year-old Divinia. “My life didn’t stop because of kids, it actually got more exciting and a hell of a lot harder, but I still can do most things.”
Those ‘most things’ have included: travelling the world twice with her family, hiking the Great Wall of China and ascending the Empire State Building on solo trips with girlfriends, snowboarding her “best powder yet” in Canada, and playing sport at an international level. Plus, you know, skinny dipping in some mountain streams along the way.
Divinia has ticked off all of the above as a mother of three.
Of course, she’s come up against parenting stereotypes along the way, but it’s never stopped her. She recalls during her first pregnancy telling her brother-in-law of her plans to travel around the world on maternity leave: “He laughed at me. Which made me all the more determined to do what I said I would.”
Lessons of love
For Divinia, balancing a love of travel, sport, and adventure with her even fiercer love of family is a simple philosophy. “The brutal truth is I’m selfish and the kids have to fit in with my schedule,” she says with a laugh.
But a walk through some of her fondest memories reveals a deeper motherhood truth: every moment spent living life to the full is a lesson for Divinia’s daughters. She’s a woman who leads by example and is intent on raising strong, resilient girls who never lose their passion for life. There’s nothing ‘selfish’ about that.
“Watching them slide on their bums down the hill, taking delight in eating snow, and their excitement finishing the day with hot chocolates on top of a mountain are memories I’ll treasure forever,” she says, recalling a snowboarding trip to Canada when her older girls were just one and three years old.
Of course, taking the adventurous route isn’t always easy when you have a family to nurture. Divinia recalls getting back into touch rugby when her second daughter was 10 weeks old, with a goal to play a tournament in Belgium three months later.
“When the time came to go, I was still breastfeeding so needed to pump between games,” she says. “But it was just fantastic for me mentally to play competitive sport and have some time on my own,” she adds.
It’s an important point she brings up – one that is often whispered by guilt-ridden parents, despite the fact we all know how important self-care is to our wellbeing.
Your ‘wild side’ could make you a better parent
One way to practise self-care is to invest time into activities that bring you joy. For parents, this can be harder to manage as time becomes a precious commodity. But studies suggest it’s important for mental health.
Research from Roy Morgan showed a link between team sports and lowered levels of depression, anxiety, and stress in Australian adults. Similarly, a 2019 UK study published in the Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics journal suggests that having a hobby may help in reducing and sometimes even preventing depression.
It makes sense then that caregivers who continue doing things that bring them joy may find it easier to manage stress and burnout. The flipside is that your children get to enjoy a more relaxed, re-energised version of you.
Or if it’s an activity you can take part in with your children and teens, as Divinia says: “When you can share what you love with the people you love most, it makes it all the better.”
Moral of the story
Suffice to say, I didn’t let those well-meaning colleagues turn me off the idea of motherhood in my 20s. Six years and two children later, I can confidently say that parenthood hasn’t tamed me.
My hubby and I took a 12-week trip around Europe in 2019 with our family. It was challenging at times, but immensely rewarding for all of us. We hiked up mountains, danced in fountains, and threw sleep schedules to the wind. It reinforced for me yet again that spontaneity and adventure is a choice.
My kids haven’t held me back or diminished the thrills of living – they’ve reminded me of the preciousness of life. So, if you’re thinking of selling your motorbike, cancelling that scuba-diving trip or missing monthly karaoke with your friends just because you’re a parent, it might be worth re-considering.
